Five Minute Friday: Missing Friends
Friends.What can I say--I miss them.The tears pool and I think, "my cup runneth under." In a new country, a new place, a new community where I haven't yet found community. At least how I left it in San Diego. With friends and soul sisters and fellow travelers in the journey.I'd trade the male attention and gawking and "chit chitting" noises from the men I pass in the street, and even the Spanish speaking, for a conversation with a real friend over coffee. For a heart to heart with someone who knows more than just my name and what country I'm from. For a reminder of who I was when I liked myself. Back in San Diego, where I was welcomed into so many circles, so many communities with love and acceptance I did not deserve. And I'm here in this town of transient tourists and do-gooders and missionaries and social entrepreneurs and travelers of every stripe, and I just miss home. Miss friends.I miss the friends who changed my life. Who sang a song of love over me. Who loved me when I didn't love me. Who live boldly and authentically and deeply. Who taught me to fight for my own heart. Who taught me to cradle their hearts and calm their fears. Who shifted my sarcastic spirit to one of encouragement, of uplifting, of truth telling. Who taught me how to be a friend.
And as I sit, missing and messy, I think of the people I see every day here in this town of transience. I think of their smiling and drinking and volcano climbing and volunteering and Spanish learning and how jealous I am of how happy they look, how comfortable. And I wonder if they have nights too of sitting, missing and messy.I wonder how I can be a friend.***This post is part of Lisa Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday writing challenge. To learn more about Five Minute Friday and how you can participate click here.
Five Minute Friday: After
Happy Friday!For a few months now, I’ve the pleasure of participating in Lisa Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday blogging challenge. Every Friday, a group of eclectic bloggers turn off our inner critics and perfectionists and just write for five minutes straight. Zero editing. Just a stream of consciousness free for all. And then we all link up and encourage each other. To learn more about Five Minute Friday and how you can participate click here.This Friday's topic is AFTER.***Go. I thought that after I moved, it would all make sense. The burnout, therestlessness, the ache in my heart to live in a foreign country that never went away.Then, after I got settled, I would be happy.After I made more friends, I would feel home.After I set a schedule, I'd feel peace.After I started a new job, I've feel engaged and connected and alive.But it wasn't so.It's not that I'm not happy, it's just that I'm still waiting for the AFTER.After I get in shape, I'll be happy with my body.After I go to Spanish school, I'll be fluent and confident and no-longer-shy.After I write, I'll feel accomplished.After I pray, I'll be at peace.But the AFTER never comes.The waiting-for-something-better becomes a trap. A prison. A recipe for discontent.Because life isn't in the AFTER. God isn't in the AFTER.Life is HERE, right now. God is HERE, right now.
In the flowers on my table. In the words I tap-tap-type.That's the idea of GRATITUDE. The awakening of joy in the current moment.So I surrender my clinging to the AFTER. This unfreedom of waiting. The discontent of a life disjointed into BEFORE and AFTER.I forget the BEFORE and AFTER. I open my eyes to the HERE.
Five Minute Friday: Rest
I apologize for the lack of blogging this week. I've had strep throat, and if I had attempted to write anything before today, it would have been an homage to my fleece sheets and vinegar gargle.But I'm feeling up for a quick Five Minute soiree back into the land of the living, or at least the writing.For a few months now, I've the pleasure of participating in Lisa Jo Baker's Five Minute Friday blogging challenge. Every Friday, a group of eclectic bloggers turn off our inner critics and perfectionists and just write for five minutes straight. Zero editing. Just a stream of consciousness free for all. And then we all link up and encourage each other. To learn more about Five Minute Friday and how you can participate click here.Today's Five Minute Friday theme is, fittingly, REST.Go.An homage to fleece sheets may not be off base after all. Rest. I've had too much of it this last week and still want to sleep for days.I don't rest much without being forced. And this week I was forced. A forced retreat. A forced reset.As my body fights toxins, I contemplate what other toxins I need to cleanse from life.Is this a chance to reset not just my immune system, but my whole system?A chance to plot and plan small, deliberate steps to choosing a fuller, deeper life?To reset my mind. To reset my soul.To cleanse my life of the toxins thatdistractdulldisconnectand devalue life and time and relationships.Ha. Of course I see rest as I time where I need to DO something. Figure something out. Be active in my own cleansing.I can't just be. Just let the Healer do His thing. I look for my own part, my own failure or challenge.Is that true rest?He calls us to be faithful even in the small things. Can I be faithful enough to just be still?