Two Things Are True

Two things can be true at once*: a list of paradoxes to reflect on my 33rd year, which ended yesterday ;)

• Quarantine has been hard AND yet good, a chance to check my motives, my priorities, my schedule, my heart.
• I am growing AND circling my way back to the same old patterns and unhealthy hang ups.
• I am grateful for the time spent working from home with my kids AND I sometimes want to hit/yell/kill them when they barge in on my Zoom class (I haven't actually done any of those except yell).
• I am learning to nourish and fuel and accept my body regardless of how it looks AND I feel a twinge of shame when my pants are snug.
• Publishing my words on Coffee and Crumbs brought new connections and encouragement AND forced many of my demons and regrets into the light.
• Virtual teaching takes sooo much more work just to teach blank, black squares in a virtual abyss AND I have never been more organized or efficient in my lesson planning.
• We started at a new-old church, I continued to meet with my moms' group, and the kids finally got comfortable being left in kids' church AND then the pandemic forced us back to church in the living room.
• We look forward to the day that we will become more involved in foster care and adoption AND understand that right now we are so overwhelmed with toddlers and working from home that it will be a few years before we start the process.
• We enjoyed family dinners with our wonderful friends AND they moved away.
• Potty training Aidan brought tears and tantrums and battles of will AND yet we emerged victorious.
• Nadia has made us proud with all of the words she's learned AND she is driving us crazy with all of her very specific demands. "Me all done sleeping. Me want sparkly drink, no water!"
• Ryan and I have never spent so much time together AND yet it feels harder to connect.
• We welcomed a beautiful, healthy niece in July AND had to wear masks when we first held her in our arms.
• I am so grateful for my parents' who watch my kids AND I'm sad I couldn't send Aidan to regular preschool this fall.
• I have more wrinkles and laugh lines and gray hairs AND I have never felt so sure of myself or the life I am living.

I know the year ahead will bring the good and the hard, the tender and the tension-inducing. I am committed to living in the both/and. To leaving space for conflicting feelings and diving deeper into nuance. To remembering that two (or three or even four) things can be true at once. And life is all the richer for it.

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*I first heard this phrase/idea from @drbeckyathome on Instagram, who has incredible resources for parenting and life in general.

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in this series “Make a list."